The day our lives changed

OK everyone says that your life will "never be the same" and before it happens you take that in a slightly negative way. Understandably so. No more spontaneous trips out with friends, no more random vacations, can't just up and take a job in Hong Kong. It is almost like there is to be no more fun. 15 days later I don't see it negatively at all but life certainly has changed. Trips out with friends are ruled by the clock, feedings, diapers and sleep time. Vacations are planned around seeing family and extended family. Now fun... definitely not the same but still so many laughs... The faces she makes, the sounds she makes, dressing her up and showing her off. Yep life is definitely not the same but I have had quite a few laughs already.

The only part I would say was not fun was the delivery... There cannot be any better way to make a man feel utterly useless than watching someone they love struggle through 20 hours of labour. This is an experience that I cannot imagine doing with someone unless you loved them but I could not imagine anyone going through alone. All respect to those that have. My respect for those women in my life that have gone through this has increased greatly. On that note Kayt was a trooper. At no time did she say the cliche phrases like, "get away from me" or "you did this to me" or "i hate you" I was fully prepared for any and worse but she held strong. In fact there was one time when she shooshed me during a contraction and actually apologized to me after. I think that was the worst abuse I suffered. Ladies my wife has raised the bar with labour etiquette.

Now the details.

We went to the hospital at 6:30 pm on Friday the 19th.

By 7 pm mum and baby were hooked up to the monitors. Baby's heart rate was 142. So far so good. A bit after 7:30 the contractions got stronger and Kayt's belly looked square later it seemed more like a pyramid at the peak of contraction.

It is funny as I read my chicken scratch notes. Each stage of labour I thought was it. What a rookie. Each time the contractions got worse I thought any minute now! But no it was to get worse and much harder to watch.

8:30 pm Kayt was having serious contractions and I noted that she was in real pain. This is some serious business now. However I also noted that I was still feeling the love from her so perhaps we aren't quite there yet.

9 pm the gas came out.

The contractions are heavy duty. Kayt is white knuckled for a minute at a time but, between contractions we are able to have quite normal conversation. She even convinced me to try the gas. As I took a big swig it made me cough and wheeze and as I was exhaling and coughing we totally got busted by the nurse. She didn't say anything but we are sure she knew. That made us laugh through a few more contractions so I figure it was worth it.

All this time we presumed that things were moving along. By 9:30 I am convinced that baby is on the way. "It is not fun now to watch the pain she is going through". Yet again between contractions she still has love for me. Amazing. At this time I give her full leeway to let loose on me if she so needs to But no, she grins, grips and bears it.


I made a note that I am especially useless right now. A simple bystander eager to assist but clueless as to how. At the same time I believe that Kayt is a trooper. I try to imagine the pain and the best I can come up with is the feeling when I mistakenly give her two fingers to grab during a contraction and they are mashed into one with my wedding ring trying desperately to maintain it's shape. The most uncomfortable I can be is the various positions I bend in order to give her a massage or some vain attempt to ease her pain. As I said it really humbled me and I gained more respect and love for Kayt through this.

By 9:45 the contractions are 1 min apart, we call for the nurse, they examine Kayt and give us the crushing news that she is still at 3- 4 cm... Both very deflated we examine options. They give Kayt a shot of morphine and she is able to sleep off and on until 2 am. Now twelve hours into labour the contractions start up again. I suspect they were happening all along but thanks to nurse morphine she just didn't feel them. By 3:30 we were back in business though and breathing through the pain.

I should mention in a side note that there was a lady in the other labour room that came in at midnight and started screaming from 3 am until 7:15 when she delivered her baby. Kayt decided that she was not going to be "that woman". We were tired just listening to her scream. We lost our nurses to her and did not see anyone from about 4 until 6!

Doctor came in at 6:30 and after the last 3 hours of seemingly hard contractions she was still at 3-4 cm! Kayt talks about an epidural. We had been up for 24 hours with a few cat naps in between and she was exhausted from pushing through 16 hours of contractions. Not to mention somewhat deflated as all this work seemed to be for naught. She works through it for another hour and a half until 8:10 and then asks for the epidural. They now inform us that they can give it but they are short staffed and there needs to be a nurse present and on one will be on at 10am! No one seems too concerned about this as Kayt was still only at 3-4 cm. What they didn't know was that things were about to change drastically.

At 8:50 Kayt thinks that her water has broken. We get the doctor back and at 9:30 he examines her and there is another water "break". The good news was that she had jumped to 8cm. The bad news was that he predicted that she should settle in for another hour and half at least of labour.
At this point Kayt DEMANDS the epidural! Again we are informed that there is no one to assist in the procedure. I think at that point Kayt got mad. I don't remember anything too caustic coming out but she definitely made her point. I remember offering up the fact that that would onlly be 25 minutes or 7- 10 contractions and that she could do it... Doc starts to prepare for the epidural at 9:45.

The only place Kayt is "comfortable" now is on the toilet. I note to the doctor that "I think she is pushing". Doc let's me know that there is no way she could be pushing as she is only at 8 cm. Little did he know that she had probably jumped to 10 cm and baby was on the way. It was a great effort to coax Kayt from the toilet but after two failed attempts we get her up on the bed to prepare for the epidural. At this point she is yelling at the Doctor through two back to back contractions that she thinks the baby is coming! He methodically ignores her as he has heard many a woman "cry wolf".

I am sure now that she was pushing. I was concerned but things moved so fast that there was no time to really think only help. In the room attending to Kayt was only one nurse, the doctor (who is also and anesthesiologist) and me. Doc asks me to help. He calmly tells me to get her to sit on the edge of the bed so he can administer the epidural. Kayt refuses to sit as there is "too much pressure" I get her off the bed and as she is standing she pleads to the doctor one more time that the baby is coming! he again ignores until she exclaims that "it burns, it burns". At this Doctor, nurse and I whip around and he starts madly disinfecting Kayt's back. Now the details get vague as it moves along at lightning speed but in slow motion at the same time. She braces for another hard contractions, I try to support her and end up putting my hand right where Dr. just disinfected, he was not impressed. Dr. Q goes back to his table to get more antiseptic but there is no time to re apply as now Kayt is reaching down and says that she can feel the baby, Nurse on the other end of the room looks down and confirms "Dr. we have baby!" Forget the epidural we need to get her back on the bed. I remember half lifting her on to the bed that was set extraordinarily high so she would be able to lean on it for the epidural. At the same time I remember yelling "don't sit on the baby, don't sit on the baby!" We got her up and sure enough there was baby's head and one shoulder already delivered. Dr. Q tells Kayt to push and as she does a gush of amniotic fluid and blood come pouring out. My eyes as wide as they could go! Dr. tells her to stop pushing and calls to the nurse that we have hemorrhaging and the chord is around the baby's neck! I am not a panicky individual but at this point I was scared. BTW baby was white and I could not tell the arm from the umbilical chord until Dr. Q unwrapped it from her neck. Now he coaxes Kayt to push one last time and as we all look up at the clock it changes from 9:58 to 9:59 am Saturday September 20th we have... a... baby?

I put it as a question because she looked more like a white sac of something. It was amazing that the nurse could even find her nose and mouth to suction. But as she did and as doctor placed her on Kayt's chest details became apparent. The skin and bones seemed to fall into place and the sac took on the structure of a baby. At this time the epidural nurse comes running in, takes a second look to make sure she had the right room. Dr. Q confirmed that she was too late but she could certainly help clean up.

My fears were still not settled as white sac turned into blue baby and there was no crying. I meekly asked the nurses why and they told me that was normal. They rubbed her and massaged her (no spanking apparently) and eventually she let out a little cry. Oh what an awesome noise to hear but adrenaline was still running as I was concerned for Kayt, there was a lot of blood and as we took in that our little baby girl was born I looked at her and told her "that was nothing like the baby story" eyes still wide like saucers and heart still racing. Then little Asia seemed to reach out her little blue hand and grab mum as if to say "I'm ok"
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We cleaned her up and did all the necessary measuring. 8 lbs .04 oz. or 3.645 kg. 52 cm long. I put her first diaper on and just stood over her in unbelief. The last 20 hours built up to this very moment as I was properly introduced to my little girl. My daughter. It sounded funny just to say back then. Most welcome but quite foreign.


Now came time for feeding. Would she feed?... Would she latch? would she suck? would she could she?... She did and did like a champion! What a sight, what an amazing ordeal for Kayt to go through and as I saw her feed our baby for the first time I finally relaxed and absorbed that she was really here and we were her parents. There truly is no better sight than Kayt feeding Asia. Two weeks later I still think it is the most beautiful thing.
After that the nurse cleaned up Kayt and I moved us to our room. It was 12 noon before we got settled and made the phone calls. Asia slept angelically. Do you think we would have gone to sleep? No. We sat there and talked about it, stared at her and gave thanks to the Lord that she had all fingers, toes, arms and legs. It wasn't until 4:30 pm that we finally laid down for an hours nap before the first guests came to visit.

That day surely did change our lives. I feel stronger in my relationship with my wife and my God and marvel daily in the beauty and the blessing that Asia is to us.